More One-Liners to Brighten your Day

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Sometime ago, I posted some of my favorite one-liners. A few of my readers love it, that they even shared it in Face Book. Today, I am posting 13 more one liners to brighten your day.

1 Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

2 If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

3.If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

4.If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

5.Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

6. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

7. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

8. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

9. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

10. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

11. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

12. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

13. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

My favorite: What has baby diapers and politicians have in common? They need to be change frequently.

I hope this brightens your day!
Source: onelinerz.net